Excuses, and what you need to succeed.

I’m not gonna lie. I’m not rich. But one day I will be. Don’t believe me? Thats alright. Most people don’t believe they will ever amount to anything. I’m going to prove you wrong.

First, no one is infallible. No one is perfect. Even bill gates has adisors. If you don’t have someone you look to for advice, then you’re doing it wrong. In life, you’re either working your ass off, chanting HBFS (“Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger”) or you’re like most people, slowly dying.

You want to succeed? First you have to immerse yourself in the words of people who believe. Then you have to drown in it. I read Victor Pride, and Return of Kings *daily*, do you? I’m not saying you should be reading what I read, only that, like Alexander the Great, you should find someone whos words you know you can rely on.

The important thing is your attitude. Do you “Believe?”

This isn’t happy-go-lucky ‘positive thinking’. Look, see, The world is full of people who don’t believe. Don’t think they have what it takes. Do you believe you can succeed? Its that simple.

Do you believe you can succeed?

I discovered this when I found a job, after six months unemployed. It looked like I’d be broke forever. I was in the grocery store. The assistant manager was in the other isle, stocking. I knew it. I had asked them four times before. I had received the usual run around, “fill out another application online”, “it’ll stay in the system for 90 days”, etc.

I was getting ready to go to checkout and leave. “Whats the point in trying?”

Then I remembered a quote from  online. “If they say no, you haven’t lost anything. Really. How much do you have to lose?”…and the answer was “Nothing.”

Impossible or unlikely?

I realized that I had a shot. Slim, but it was there. And success in life, as Ryan Holiday says (The author of “The Obstacle is the Way”) is all about parsing the difference between the impossible and unlikely.

So the next time you face a choice, whether to “go for it” or not to, ask yourself “Do I have even a 1-in-100 chance?” or “Do I believe I have a shot?” because if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have got the job. and I wouldn’t be writing this blog right now.

Everything else is just an excuse. All you need to succeed is to give it a try, again, and again, and again. The only people who fail are the ones who give up. Success is outlasting all the failures.

Do you believe you can succeed? Its that simple. Give it a shot, and let me know how this works for you.

NASTY MIKE spitting in your onion rings

I recently had an offer from a friend to go to a ‘gentlemens’ club. Being a scoundrel, I declined. Why pay for something you can get for free?

But in life, nothing is really free. I told him ‘Nah. I’m broke anyway.’ He pressed me over the phone. I gave in. Weak. We compromised on somewhere cheap.


It wasn’t that bad. Stripperrific. I think I might have even got a bonus..minor food poisoning +1 (for the nerds).

I couldn’t help reflect though, being a cheap son of a bitch, how they really downplay the shitty service. I spent most of the evening alternating between oogling tight-shirted and bored waitresses, talking with my buddy about scrooge-mcduck style wealth, and imagining what it would be like to start my own Hooters-esque style eatery, complete with buyouts, cooperate takeovers, and insider trading.

I was sure if a place like hooters could stay open, I could do better.
ENTER “Nasty Mike’s” bar and grill– after all “Nasty” is pretty close to “Tasty”, just change one letter!

The core of our brand would be

1. A big mean guy, probably a marine with a heart tattoo that says ‘mom’. He’ll do everything to you that you ever desired, and a lot of stuff you really wish he wouldn’t. About the only thing he wont do is spit in your onion rings (because that costs extra you pervert.)
2. Waitresses who are mean spirited, and bartenders who are uninterested.
3. Advertisements. Lots and lots of advertisements. At 3 AM, jammed between ads about cures for baldness, and thinly veiled phone sex.
4. Food thats advertised as ‘dirt cheap. Because who gives a shit about quality?’
5. Treating the customers hatefully.
6….and you’ll LIKE IT.

It will be a phenomenon. There’ll be a Nasty Mike’s on every corner. And if I was lucky, I’d get Bob Odenkirk (aka “Saul Goodman” of breaking bad) to advertise it on tv. That way if anyone ends up hospitalized from unwashed hands (Nasty Mike, our chef/marine, believes handwashing is for pansies. Says it makes your immunity so much better), he can act as our attorney. After all, a tv attorney is as good as any real one. Their just better at massaging the truth.

tl;dr. Eat at Nasty Mike’s today! (I really wish I could put this in rainbow font.)

– BastardJim

Now or Never

“First!” numerous blog comments shout to no-one, from the colorful abyss of the internet.

And for me, this is a first. But lets rewind.

It’s 2 AM, about a month ago, spring in Akron Ohio. Someone reading this is no doubt shocked “You just revealed where you live, ON THE INTERNET! The weirdos will find you.” Anyway, it’s a dark and stormy night, as the cliche goes. Like most people up after midnight, I’m browsing facebook posts and useless productivity sites. (lifehacker)
I yearn for something more out of life, somewhere deep down inside..maybe in my colon?

All the articles are saying “10 tips to supercharge your life”, “how to discover your life purpose in three easy steps”, mixed with an ad about ron jeremys one secret tip to grow a massive cock, and exhortations to buy such-and-such’s “new ebook!”
I am not moved by any of this.

Scrolling, and tabbing, and intermittently dropping f-bombs because of flash ads locking up my browser, I stop and lean back. In the blue afterglow of my shitty compaqs screen, a thought appears, like a cheesy Jini, popping out of a brass toilet. “Start a blog!” the ad proclaims. “Yes. Thats what I have to do” I whispered (I’m embarrassed to admit I really did say this).

Then I Control+W’d out of it, and flopped onto my mattress. This was the wasteland of my life. I couldn’t help but think The whole internet was like some seedy back alley 2.0, where boxcar willie with his train of needle marks had been replaced by more upstart, greasy-haired gurus. Each peddling ‘ebooks’ of ‘advice’, stuffed in between ads to buy ‘this one hot stock you have to own’ and porn. And that alley was really the ‘blogosphere’. As I drifted off, the last thought was ‘We’re all just bottom feeders,leeching and whoring on the attention of faceless anonymous users, hoping for another quick fix.’

I fell asleep, these racing thoughts fading into sweet oblivion, but never too far away.

Welcome to My Back Alley

That title is only twice as dirty, and half as thought-out as I planned. As you imagine, the lure of being the electronic equivalent of a conman never quite faded. And the more I read, the stronger the message “Start a blog!” grew. As if everyone and their grandmother having a blog, would somehow make the world right, cure cancer, and save kittens from animal shelter gas chambers. Everyones an expert, everyones an agent of change. Maximizing productivity, Evangelizing Technology, ninjas collaborating to socialfy your community diversification benchmark for target traffic
through user-engagement and authentic grass-roots, blah, blah, blah, blah, money. Thrusting, moaning, screaming. Money. Pumping at the center of it all.

Wake up and smell the bullshit.

This blog is not a blog. This blog is the anti-blog, and we are the anti-bloggers. ‘We’ (read “I”) resist your bullshit lingo bingo, call out the Truth (Tm) and refuse to be satisfied with any standards of decency, journalistic integrity, or common sense.

Every blog is Starbucks And I’m tyler durden, pissing in your coffee, and calling it a ‘latte’.

Freaks, and anarchists, laymen and losers. If you feel as I do, then this is the place for you. Welcome to MentoWolves

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